I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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