You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
