so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
