Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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