the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
