You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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