so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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