I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
