It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
