o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
