Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize