If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
