My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
