So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
