upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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