I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
