Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
