Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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