it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
