I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
