the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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