Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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