the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize