everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
