people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
