so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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