YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Is Oprah even human
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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