When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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