I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
