Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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