I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
