Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
