What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My pussy is not your playground.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
