I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
