I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
