Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
