tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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