Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
