do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
