sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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