i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
