Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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