Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
