I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize