I'm going to jail i love you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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