I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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