U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize