Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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