i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
so much tequila, so little girl.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
