All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
