just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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