sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
