I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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