I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
