and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
