i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
