If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize