I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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