I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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