38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
