i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize